#52: Aaaaand down the hill it goes

Shit, it's back.
The overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Despite having so many people who care about me, I feel all alone in the world. People are being pushed away by me and in the end, I'm crying myself to sleep because no one's there for me.
It's your own fault, stupid.
I'm aware of that, consciousness. But I just can't change it.
Secretly I really just want to be in a relationship, but one can't force anything, especially if my heart's still in its former places. Heh, won't ever get over them.
I'm praying for my favourite medicine - sleep - to cure me. The shit I've done to my people though? Still gotta work that out.

#51: Back to the roots

Yes, changed the colours and the font a bit. Is that better or worse or the same for you?

Yesterday was an amazing day for me.
The weather was really good and spring-like (Warm, sunny... simply perfect.), so my mother, my brother and his girlfriend and me went out for a walk with our dog.

My mum screamed when she encountered this cutie and made a jump - the frog/toad (?) on the other hand didn't give a single fuck this day until my brother stomped with both feet on the ground behind it, making it jump away quite scared.

At the end of this long, long walk we ended up at something that used to be a ski slope. As it hasn't snowed enough to ski for years, they started turning it into a dirt bike trail, and at that time there was this one guy on his bike training. For his own safety he was wearing a motorcycle helmet so you couldn't see his face. While he was doing riding down the slope, my mum said she wanted to watch him, so we stopped and just stood there, watching that stranger. After he was done, my mum started clapping and that dude just stared at her.
"Come on, I really liked it. It was good!", she said.
I actually only heard her say that because I kept looking away because of embarrassment the entire time.
Dirt bike senpai didn't notice me (´;ω;`)

As we got home, I got an honest message.
"I don't think DP's the right one for you. He's enjoying being fangirled at a little too much."
This should have made me quite sad, but actually it ended up making me feel relieved. Not only did it save me a lot of emotional disappointment in case I'd put my effort into this guy and it wouldn't work, but also did I expect DP to be a womanizer. On the con I met him? He talked to a lot of people, but most of them were girls. Groups of them. After all, he was fairly handsome.
What made me happiest however was having met my "wingman". We've barely been talking for a few days, but I can possibly seeing it turn into a long-lasting friendship because he was being considerate and protective.
"But it was your DP, are you really okay with giving up on him?", he asked despite his judgment.

This whole talk about a wingman then inspired me to draw. Like really, I had an image in my head that wanted to be drawn. But in order to draw, I needed space... so I tidied up my desk, plugged headphones into my recharged iPod and sent myself straight to the heavens with that. Music still was and is my life and manages to cheer me up, no matter what emotional condition I'm in. (Listening to music as I'm typing this, yep.)
An hour and eventually two passed. I didn't drew anything but a wingman logo (which was the Superman logo with a W instead of the S). The reason wasn't just the fact that I got distracted a lot but also the long time I hadn't touched a pencil. It's been months and I actually thought about giving up on drawing (not just in that moment, but like, forever) until I had the idea to have a warm-up. This "warm-up" consisted of copying a photo by drawing it. It actually looked good until I tried to colour it. Usually I don't draw portraits and concentrate on drawing in manga style, but I knew that I was good at observing and copying stuff. Nevertheless this whole thing took me two hours: More than I wanted to take, as this wasn't supposed to be my main creation.
Today I ended up turning my own photo into a drawn portrait. After I was done I managed that the head turned out to be way too big in relation to the body. I could've easily changed that since there wasn't much of a body actually, but I didn't feel like that. I'll just keep it as a reminder of my crappy skills and as an incentive to get better.
If I have the chance to, I'd love to sit down every evening and just randomly scribble stuff. It's so calming and makes me feel so much more like my old self. My old, colourful self. Back when I had so much hobbies that I'd never be bored or feel like a plain Jane. Looks like I'm getting there slowly, especially since Easter vacation is about to start! Two weeks time to be creative in all kind of ways!

#50: It's a small world

The world is small, everybody knows each other and things change so suddenly at a pace that even surprises myself.

My mood swings today were one thing, but that's not what I'm talking about since that's nothing new, is it? What I'm actually talking about is a certain event considering the Deadpool cosplayer from the very first event (going to call him DP from now on). Yes, he's probably gonna be my topic for the next 5 million posts because I can.

So while I was casually talking to the guy I was mentioning yesterday (Confused already? Good.), he suddenly asked if I had found my DP now. Nope, of course I hadn't, but I was told to describe DP to him.

"I know that guy.", he said.

I gasped.

"The dude's not contactable personally", he continued, "only through his female friend. They're just friends I believe."

Somehow he ended up getting his Skype from her and he started texting with DP. I didn't get much details about the whole thing - how guys text with each other still remains a mystery to me - but he was confirming that it was exactly that guy. He was on the same convention and when I got to see a photo, I knew for sure.

Playing the wingman jokes aside, I was told that DP's Skype profile said he's be 9 years older than me. He definitely didn't look that old and that detail could be fake, but then again, you never know. I'm excited, but on the other hand I'm also scared.

But moreover, I'm just so amused how all these events concerning all these Deadpool cosplayers are related with each other. Who would have known?

Either it's the calm before the storm or my life is finally going uphill. Not just like this, I'm really not expecting a romance, but generally I've been feeling much happier and relaxed about things like school. Sadness comes less often, especially not as bad as it did today and with all the upcoming things, it seems like I finally got this going for me. Let's try to keep it up! :>

#49: Being in my element: Fangirling and shopping

God. Fucking. Dammit.
Had my whole doctor visit stuff typed out and meant to post it before this other convention I went to took place, but apparently that never happened, After that much stuff happened that I can barely keep up, especially now that I suddenly have the urge to post.
Yes, I am procrastinating although I should be learning for an important Biology test tomorrow, and yes, I blame you, stupid bank clerk. You know who I'm talking about. Stalker. Then again, it's my fault since I rubbed the fact that I'd write about you in your face urgh. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

Soooo, why the break of one month?
As I mentioned before, I was being sick. That almost stole two weeks of my time, followed by trying to catch up with school stuff (I gave up in the end) and actually enjoying doing school work. My free time mainly consisted of shopping on Qwertee, where I got these new tees,

playing Love Live (asdfghjkl I need the SR Kotori of this event, she's so cute, my lovely waifu ; 3 ;), and going to conventions, as I hinted in my not-so-smooth introduction paragraph. That's what I've been dying to blog about for the past week. However... This report requires a little bit of a back story. So let's rewind.

After my last convention I was desperately trying to find that Deadpool cosplayer again. Every hour I kept checking this website where local people would (hopefully) upload their galleries of photos taken there. A photo of "my" Deadpool was actually posted there, but nobody linked him(self) on that photo, so that was a dead end (just checked, still no link). That's why I had the idea to search for Deadpool cosplays on the very same page. There were a few guys, but really only one whose face seemed somehow similar to the one in my memories or who I hoped it to be. However, he had a Sheriff Deadpool cosplay, so I didn't get my hopes up. You know where this is going, right, clerk?

Then the time for the convention had come. Hoping to meet the dude again, I again dressed up with the hoody (OMG THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY WITH A GIRLFRIEND WHO WORE THE EXACT SAME HOODY PLUS T-SHIRT), not knowing it would summon other evil spirits. My brother didn't come with me by the way, instead my mum and best friend accompanied me. As every year, the book fair slash convention was packed and the later it got, the more crowded it got as well.

I have no idea what time it was, but at some point we decided to meet up with my mum again to pick up some cadged cash. Therefore, we left the hall where the comic/manga section was in and ended up in a passable glass hall where the cosplayers were pretty much relaxing most of the time.

Suddenly something struck my head. I didn't know what was happening until I turned around and saw that Deadpool cosplayer standing there. A sheriff one.

He waved in a friendly way at me, holding a sword in his other hand. That's what he hit me with, I realized, and perplexedly waved back.

Not knowing what else to do, I kept on walking.

Yep, it was just as awkward as the other meeting before.

But holy crap, a Deadpool Sheriff?! It was the same guy I had my eyes on before!

Bla bla bla, I bought more manga since I couldn't decide on which Deadpool comic to start with, feet hurt, returned home in the train.

What I actually bought (= I also grabbed a lot of free stuff, such as stickers, pins/buttons, bookmarks, posters...):

One week later, I had eventually managed to message that cosplayer on that website where he had his cosplay uploaded. He did remember hitting me and that got us into talking (nonstop ever since then kinda).

Fangirling aside, before anyone gets their hope up like I did, the guy's happily taken, and that's awesome, I'm happy for him that he's able to work out his far distance relationship unlike I did. Good luck for you in the future as well, you two :3 #IShiptIt

Now there's a whole month left before it's my last day of school (one week of that being Easter vacation). After that, final exams start as well as my concert/convention time. Again.

Not sure how much more I'm gonna post because of those, but oh well, if I need to vent, and even if it's fangirling shit, it'll be here. Or Twitter. Yep, probably Twitter.

Now excuse me while I delete some embarrassing tweets and try to study for Biology. Evolution theories need me more than my non-existent blog readers do.

Au revoir, messieurs.