#60: A weekly routine

Happy New Year and all!
Since my last post in November I kinda got into a certain schedule. One that's the same every week. Having a routine like that helps securing my happiness. Knowing where I have to be, what's up next even in my free time - simply the knowledge that there's a place I have. (No, the journey to find my self is still ongoing.) Looking back at my first months here in this new environment it's clear that this is exactly what I needed.

While I have university Monday to Friday, my weekend is fairly free and I pretty much spent it with lots of sleeping, eating, binge watching shows (Finished Season 3 of Orange is the new Black last weekend. Great show, despite being so hyped and mainstream! Recently I started Prison Break... Notice a certain pattern?) and cuddling. When I get home on Sunday evenings I'm usually pretty exhausted despite the relaxed weekend. Anyone know this feeling? During my free periods in university I usually have lunch and/or wash the laundry. Depending on the amount I do it twice a week. (Not eating, of course! I do that three times a day, duh. Unless I oversleep. Like I did last Friday. First time in forever...) Monday's also my grocery shopping day. If necessary, I go to the stores on other days, but usually I plan the food menu for the entire week and buy all I need.

You may have expected more than this, but this is honestly all I do during the week. Sure, I have free time and it's not like I do nothing, but after having a long and exhausting day of university just lying down and watching stuff is so relaxing. Thursday and Friday are my shortest days, so if I go out, it's then. The other week I went to the show of my favourite comedian on a Thursday evening and it was so fantastic that I bought two tickets for another show in May. Next time I'll be going with someone else though so I can insider joke about everything. Yes, I can laugh about the same jokes twice, otherwise I wouldn't be going again ahaha What I also sometimes do in my free time is going to the shopping mall to buy yet another skirt or manga, karaoke or even the emergency because I randomly got a middle finger contusion. Fun times. Can't even play Dragon Nest or check out Blade and Soul due to my bandaged middle finger. I mean, WASD is impossible when the touch hurts. (It works like that, right?) At least I'm able to play mobile games. Currently I'm playing Unison League, メルティメイデン, Dream Girlfriend, ホストのアブナイ世界 and Happy Pet Story. Now you may have noticed that Love Live! isn't noted despite me formerly writing about it in every blog post. But, the fact that I stopped playing is quite involuntarily. After not having played for a while I wanted to pick it up again - an in-game notification said, I wouldn't be able to play unless I updated the game via iPad. However, going there, there was no possible update to be found. That's when I knew I wouldn't be able to play again... Because I used to play Love Live! on my iPad... First generation, doesn't go beyond iOs 5.1.1., update required a higher iOs. I didn't even get the chance to get an account transfer code thingy, so even if I played in my phone, I would have to restart. Since I don't want to degrade from a tablet to a phone screen though, it's just not going to happen. Goodbye, beloved waifus and hello Love Live! free but not love free life.

#56: Back and stable!

After the last post many probably thought that I was going to spread sadness for the next few posts a.k.a. weeks. I honestly thought so myself. It scared me, thinking I was gonna feel depressed and miserable for the next few days, maybe even weeks although I've been doing so good the past few months. But looking back at the last two days, all the negativity seems to be gone and I couldn't be happier about it.
Reasons? Let's take a look.

Thursday was actually just as shitty as Wednesday. Someone important to me said something and I overreacted. I was just so furious, I probably would have slapped that person across the face if it wasn't for that someone texting and not talking to me face-to-face. No, not my mum. Not again. Additionally to that it turned out that my other close friend can't make it to my birthday next week. University across the country makes it impossible for her to come over for a weekend. I absolutely understand that, yet it made me sad.

That was until I started texting with my best friend Z-nee. We discussed a little about what to do and where to go for my birthday, but soon enough the topic switched over to the one and only MMO we both play: Dragon Nest. (That said, don't overestimate me. It is the only MMORPG I play because I just love the system and I haven't found any MMORPG that worked similarly and caught my interest, but my characters are still far from reaching the highest level possible. I don't play enough for that... I like to believe I have a life, even if I don't.)

After I finished dinner I joined her in the game and we played for like 4 hours straight and trained our low-level characters to their first class specialization. That's the most fun part in the game, even if the story and dungeons for each character is very repetitive. After that, leveling up of course takes a lot more time, so it feels very tedious to me. However. with new equipment (that looks different on the character) you actually have a goal in the game and playing with friends makes it much more enjoyable anyway.

This was the start of it. As soon as I woke up on Friday which was right before lunch time so technically after lunch and not right after getting up I sat down in front of my computer and played Dragon Nest without a break until the late evening. At some point Z-nee joined me again for about three hours. After she quit the game I followed her.

Yes, the silver lining didn't happen, didn't meet him because of reasons, but we talked about some stuff and got that out of our way. Everything was back to normal.

Saturday was quite similar. I slept like shit because of my spine and tried to go back to sleep although I woke up like every hour, but the day started good. After lunch I got right back into the game. Guess who thought just alike? Yep. We ended up playing together for 3 ½ hours again and my main character leveled up two levels (57→59). Level cap is for a few days 70, then it gets raised to 80, so I've gotta try harder.

It wasn't only this silly game that made my days this amazing. Additionally to that I was also constantly accompanied by great music as I kept listening to the same radio station all day. (This is no advertising. I'm in love with Vocaloid and this is the best thing for me.) Furthermore I made appointments with the friend I'm not going to see on my birthday celebration, picked up Love Live again (Whenever I miss one day of an Event, I stop playing because I'm too afraid to look at my dropped rank... That continues for weeks until Z-nee randomly mentions new members and songs.) and well... Silver lining said some very charming things today. This is by no way usual for him, so it caught me off guard. At this point I realized that I am after all the type of girl to screenshot messages that are dear to me. I hate this, but I love it so much. As a result I ended up crying. I was just so overflowed by all the happiness that I couldn't contain the feelings.

Can we talk about how weird crying due to happiness actually is? It is truly satisfying, yes, but what's weird about it is the face you make. One screws up eyes and eyebrows and mouth adopt a rather sad looking pose. To me, this gloomy expression doesn't fit happiness. However, after releasing all of this by crying, one feels better. Still happy and with more self-control again. Until happiness takes over again I guess.

And that concludes my little presentation on my happy and calm days. I wish to continue my life like this. All I have to do is remind myself to take a break when I am in rage and cool down, out of reach from other people so I can't do any harm. After all, it doesn't take much. I have video games, music tea, a comfortable bed that basically just wanting me to sleep all day and amazing friends who I can absolutely rely on - more than I actually think I can.

I'm especially grateful for Z-nee's presence these days, but also a little proud of myself for not wallowing in self-pity and instead getting back on my feet. Gonna keep this up ♥

Envy-chan, over and out!

#48: Between school and headaches

Lately my spine has been doing worse again. Not to mention that I haven't been to sport for seniors rehabilitation sports for the past two weeks, simply because I either forgot or was too tired to go. To cut a long story short, my spine (which contains the central nervous system) is in a false posture, which in return causes bad headaches. Ibuprofen doesn't help as much as I wish it did, taking naps does rarely help, so I always have to wait until my night time's sleep to make it go away - until it comes back the next day, since sleeping of course doesn't cure my false posture.
For different reasons, one of them being procrastination, I haven't been sleeping much either lately. So when I come home from school, be it 16 o'clock or earlier, I would take naps until dinner. Naturally I wake up even sleepier and as the evening advances, I wake up. It's a doom loop.
School is also a thing. I'm really only doing the school work I'm supposed to do for the next day. That's an attitude that's making my life really hard and I'm not proud of that, but it's just so hard to change. I bet my Master-chan can relate, he he.
Mentioning her, she's one of the few people I regularly exchange letters with. Penpaling is a thing that's dear to me and it's the only thing that ever makes me go into town voluntarily: Because that's where the post office is. I would always be so happy when I find a letter or package on my bed after getting home from school. Nowadays most stuff I receive is from online shopping though, especially a website called Qwertee. They have so cute and geek-ish shirts sometimes, that I just buy them. They're cheap, too, and since the ship from Ireland, the shipping costs and time is so cheap and fast that I can't complain. Pictures about my ordered shirts are on my Twitter by the way. As soon as my random shirts arrive, pictures will be here though~
Shameless advertising over. Just kidding. Everyone who has a tablet should play Love Live already!!
*creeps back into bed and plays Love Live till death*
Haaaah, my waifus... ❤

#44: I'm still alive and breathing!

Wow, my last post on here was more than a year ago, shortly after I returned from Japan. I actually had three sentences in a draft for a new post written in November last year, but I never got around to publish it. For the better though. I can summarize all of 2014 by saying I had ups and downs the entire time. Like seriously. Started seeing a psychologist, was about to finish therapy in December, but got worse again and now I'm just feeling so very happy again. This is life pretty much.

I also apologize in advantage for this rambling blog. This post is mainly for cheering myself up, so it's gonna be a lot of cheesy cheering lines.

The reason I'm picking up my blog again is because I know it would help me in many ways. One is of course to keep writing, a thing I loved to do more than anything. I have no idea why I ever stopped, especially in English, since that's my favourite language out of the four I'm able to speak. Second reason is it being something like a diary, and diaries are good in so many ways. You can get stuff of your chest without directly talking to someone. Of course my blog being so publicly visible might be a disadvantage, but it's not like I intend on hiding my feelings. If anyone is reading my blog, he or she has probably seen my Twitter anyway. Since mini blogs are easier to write (140 letter limit), that's where I really update regularly. Even post links to new blog entries will be posted there, in case I will ever post one again after this. ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Well, what have I been up to? The only things I've really been doing regularly are playing Love Live and watching YouTube. It's kinda sad how my hobbies, which used to be really broad, have reduced this much. Because of that I've had depressions as well, since I felt like I became a boring plain Jane with no hobbies. I'm not stressed out about it anymore, I came to terms with it. I mean, after all, it's kinda motivating. The journey to find my place in this world is still ongoing and honestly, it's just so exciting. It's not like I can just blend out the negative things, but when those happen, I know that I will be happy soon after. And I mean, two days ago an amazing thing happened to me. If one of those negative things before hadn't happened, I'd never have been in this position. Life is good right now! Then again, I'm on vacation. I don't want to go to schoooooool!

Gosh, I really need to get used to this again first, urgh. Oh well, ending this post with love. Cheers!

❤～(´ε｀*)