#48: Between school and headaches

Lately my spine has been doing worse again. Not to mention that I haven't been to sport for seniors rehabilitation sports for the past two weeks, simply because I either forgot or was too tired to go. To cut a long story short, my spine (which contains the central nervous system) is in a false posture, which in return causes bad headaches. Ibuprofen doesn't help as much as I wish it did, taking naps does rarely help, so I always have to wait until my night time's sleep to make it go away - until it comes back the next day, since sleeping of course doesn't cure my false posture.
For different reasons, one of them being procrastination, I haven't been sleeping much either lately. So when I come home from school, be it 16 o'clock or earlier, I would take naps until dinner. Naturally I wake up even sleepier and as the evening advances, I wake up. It's a doom loop.
School is also a thing. I'm really only doing the school work I'm supposed to do for the next day. That's an attitude that's making my life really hard and I'm not proud of that, but it's just so hard to change. I bet my Master-chan can relate, he he.
Mentioning her, she's one of the few people I regularly exchange letters with. Penpaling is a thing that's dear to me and it's the only thing that ever makes me go into town voluntarily: Because that's where the post office is. I would always be so happy when I find a letter or package on my bed after getting home from school. Nowadays most stuff I receive is from online shopping though, especially a website called Qwertee. They have so cute and geek-ish shirts sometimes, that I just buy them. They're cheap, too, and since the ship from Ireland, the shipping costs and time is so cheap and fast that I can't complain. Pictures about my ordered shirts are on my Twitter by the way. As soon as my random shirts arrive, pictures will be here though~
Shameless advertising over. Just kidding. Everyone who has a tablet should play Love Live already!!
*creeps back into bed and plays Love Live till death*
Haaaah, my waifus... ❤

#47: Effective reader luring

So after my post yesterday I apparently had more visitors on one day than ever before. To be fair, I also used more labels than I ever did before. I didn't even lie about them, all labels were related to my post in a way. Together with the option enabled that my blog is listed on Google, it's of course a more effective way to get visitors.
Let's say someone's searching for a cool Deadpool cosplayer. Well, because I intensively raved about a (by the way still unknown) certain cosplayer like that yesterday, that someone would find his or her way to my blog, hoping to find an epic cosplay photo. Hopes crushed.
Sorry but not sorry. I'm kinda glad you found your way to my blog, however you did! If it amuses you just a tiny bit, I'm more than happy to have helped. If not, sorry for wasting your time.
Even people who instantly close the tab after getting to my blog... They still make the visitor counter raise its number. And I'm just so happy when I get about 10 views. It's not much. No, it's actually nothing, but to me, it means the world, imagining that at least a single person bothers reading my silly and unimportant thoughts.
So yes, to end this useless rambling... Whoever's out there, I hope you feel loved. You're amazing and you deserve all happiness on earth ♥

#46: One of those days

It's one of those days where I keep pushing away the people I love most because I'm not feeling well.
To be fair, a reason why I'm not feeling well in the first place is a person I love. After the first week of calling every day for hours, somehow the contact slowed down. We wouldn't talk for more than 24 hours because that person was busy, sleeping... All kinda things. But in the end, it's for the better. I almost gave up my dreams just for being with a person that can offer me nothing but love. It sounds like shit, but that just isn't enough for me. Love is important and I wouldn't want to live without it, but it being the only thing to live on is a thought I couldn't possibly consider.
"It was fate. If you don't fight for something, you don't need it."
I can agree to that. I just hope I'll get over this soon, I hate feeling this sad and heartbroken. And my psychologist probably won't like hearing about it either, lol.
Well, for now I'm keeping myself up with Our Last Night, by far my favourite band. Not just a band.

Moving away from this depressive talk, yesterday I went to the convention I mentioned in my last post.
My brother and I got up at 7 in the morning to catch the bus heading to the train station 90 minutes later. After that, a 3.5 hour train ride awaited us. In theory. I, who navigated us from train to train, made a mistake once. We took the train into the wrong direction, so we arrived an hour later than planned.
The first thing my eyes caught upon getting in was the face of a very handsome Deadpool cosplayer. (I don't like western comics/Marvel much, but Deadpool is an exception.) The day afternoon seemed to be starting in a very good way already. It got even better, as we went further in: There was another Deadpool cosplayer, the face under the mask even handsomer and his custom much more detailed. Unlike the first one who walked hand in hand with a girl, he also seemed to be there all by himself. You saw him talking to all kinda people all the time. Of course, especially girls. My brother suggested taking a photo together with him, and I playfully slapped him and instantly refused in a tsundere-ish way. Yet the more often I kept running into the cosplayer, the more I started crushing on fangirling over him.
After we grabbed lunch in the cafeteria, I checked my phone to see a message from the cosplayer I wanted to give my Valentine's gift to. She asked where I was for a print of her cosplay I also wanted to buy. We walked around another short while, when I finally got a reply. It took me courage, but right away he and I went upstairs, to find her sitting on a bench. She gave me the print, I paid her and then gave her my present. (Edit: OHMYGOSH SHE POSTED A PHOTO OF IT ON TWITTER) My knees were shaking like hell while we walked away.
Soon after that happened we again found ourselves back at the merchant area. I really wanted to buy Clow Cards from Card Captor Sakura, but on the other hand, there was this amazing Deadpool cardigan. Clow Cards were half the price of the cardigan, but I'd have more from the cardigan. The merchant offered me eventually to try on the cardigan, and I did. Reluctantly I bought it and instantly changed my outfit from my Hatsune Miku cardigan to my Deadpool one.

Suddenly, there was this Deadpool cosplayer again. I tried not to stare while we sneaked away from him. He saw my back nevertheless and shouted "Awesome jacket!" after me. Shocked by this sudden attention, I did nothing and just kept walking. My brother heavily criticized me for that behaviour. Just seconds after I that, I regretted this as well, since a lot of good comeback lines kept popping up in my head. "You're more awesome! *wink*" for instance. Perks of being shy.

Shortly after a toilet break and right before we wanted to leave, we ran into him again. People kept blocking the way, so my brother walking in front of me with a gap that grew and grew. When the crowd faded, I started running to catch up. More to avoid the Cosplayer than to catch up actually. I didn't consider that me running would be getting more attention than not, but that thought didn't cross my mind until he called after me again.

"Hey, awesome jacket, turn around!" Was that now my new nickname?

I turned around while walking backwards.

He threw the finger guns at me, followed by a wink. Unconsciously I responded with the same gesture. As I turned back to see where I was walking, I died already. The embarrassment was real.

As my brother and I got our jackets from the cloakroom, I saw him a last time and cursed at my brother for not forcing me to take a picture with him after all. Who knows if I would ever find him again? 

On the train ride back we played paper games and talked about music and video games. I can proudly say that my brother is my favourite person to go to places, we just had a lot of fun and I'm really looking forward to go to the book fair with him next month ❤

#45: Post for the second straight day

It's amazing, isn't it? I don't even know how and why I'm on a run like this, but I'll just go with it. Feels hella good to be back with only me and the English language.
After having posted yesterday, I went to my YouTube channel and changed my header, as well as my Google+ one. I still don't use Google+ much, but as for my Android phone, I do like the functions. I can't really complain.
Besides that, I haven't really been doing anything today besides watching YouTube videos. I haven't been watching for about three weeks, and when you're subscribed to 108 fucking channels you have a lot to catch up. Especially since Cry's videos are 30 minutes and longer each, his direct imports from his streams almost two hours each. Not kidding, during this week I spent at least 20 hours watching YouTube videos.
Yes, I should be doing other stuff. But this popcorn? It's just too good and I'm actually too tired to do anything else.
It's not like I was this lazy all day. I actually accompanied my mum to grocery shopping today and got some Valentine's Day gifts for a person I admire. I know that person had some hard times in the past, so since I'll be meeting her on a convention, I want to make her a little happier. As weird as it sounds, friends and family won't be getting anything, just that one person. She's not my love interest though. So yeah, that's something I'm looking forward to next week! ❤

#44: I'm still alive and breathing!

Wow, my last post on here was more than a year ago, shortly after I returned from Japan. I actually had three sentences in a draft for a new post written in November last year, but I never got around to publish it. For the better though. I can summarize all of 2014 by saying I had ups and downs the entire time. Like seriously. Started seeing a psychologist, was about to finish therapy in December, but got worse again and now I'm just feeling so very happy again. This is life pretty much.

I also apologize in advantage for this rambling blog. This post is mainly for cheering myself up, so it's gonna be a lot of cheesy cheering lines.

The reason I'm picking up my blog again is because I know it would help me in many ways. One is of course to keep writing, a thing I loved to do more than anything. I have no idea why I ever stopped, especially in English, since that's my favourite language out of the four I'm able to speak. Second reason is it being something like a diary, and diaries are good in so many ways. You can get stuff of your chest without directly talking to someone. Of course my blog being so publicly visible might be a disadvantage, but it's not like I intend on hiding my feelings. If anyone is reading my blog, he or she has probably seen my Twitter anyway. Since mini blogs are easier to write (140 letter limit), that's where I really update regularly. Even post links to new blog entries will be posted there, in case I will ever post one again after this. ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Well, what have I been up to? The only things I've really been doing regularly are playing Love Live and watching YouTube. It's kinda sad how my hobbies, which used to be really broad, have reduced this much. Because of that I've had depressions as well, since I felt like I became a boring plain Jane with no hobbies. I'm not stressed out about it anymore, I came to terms with it. I mean, after all, it's kinda motivating. The journey to find my place in this world is still ongoing and honestly, it's just so exciting. It's not like I can just blend out the negative things, but when those happen, I know that I will be happy soon after. And I mean, two days ago an amazing thing happened to me. If one of those negative things before hadn't happened, I'd never have been in this position. Life is good right now! Then again, I'm on vacation. I don't want to go to schoooooool!

Gosh, I really need to get used to this again first, urgh. Oh well, ending this post with love. Cheers!

❤～(´ε｀*)