#46: One of those days

It's one of those days where I keep pushing away the people I love most because I'm not feeling well.
To be fair, a reason why I'm not feeling well in the first place is a person I love. After the first week of calling every day for hours, somehow the contact slowed down. We wouldn't talk for more than 24 hours because that person was busy, sleeping... All kinda things. But in the end, it's for the better. I almost gave up my dreams just for being with a person that can offer me nothing but love. It sounds like shit, but that just isn't enough for me. Love is important and I wouldn't want to live without it, but it being the only thing to live on is a thought I couldn't possibly consider.
"It was fate. If you don't fight for something, you don't need it."
I can agree to that. I just hope I'll get over this soon, I hate feeling this sad and heartbroken. And my psychologist probably won't like hearing about it either, lol.
Well, for now I'm keeping myself up with Our Last Night, by far my favourite band. Not just a band.

Moving away from this depressive talk, yesterday I went to the convention I mentioned in my last post.
My brother and I got up at 7 in the morning to catch the bus heading to the train station 90 minutes later. After that, a 3.5 hour train ride awaited us. In theory. I, who navigated us from train to train, made a mistake once. We took the train into the wrong direction, so we arrived an hour later than planned.
The first thing my eyes caught upon getting in was the face of a very handsome Deadpool cosplayer. (I don't like western comics/Marvel much, but Deadpool is an exception.) The day afternoon seemed to be starting in a very good way already. It got even better, as we went further in: There was another Deadpool cosplayer, the face under the mask even handsomer and his custom much more detailed. Unlike the first one who walked hand in hand with a girl, he also seemed to be there all by himself. You saw him talking to all kinda people all the time. Of course, especially girls. My brother suggested taking a photo together with him, and I playfully slapped him and instantly refused in a tsundere-ish way. Yet the more often I kept running into the cosplayer, the more I started crushing on fangirling over him.
After we grabbed lunch in the cafeteria, I checked my phone to see a message from the cosplayer I wanted to give my Valentine's gift to. She asked where I was for a print of her cosplay I also wanted to buy. We walked around another short while, when I finally got a reply. It took me courage, but right away he and I went upstairs, to find her sitting on a bench. She gave me the print, I paid her and then gave her my present. (Edit: OHMYGOSH SHE POSTED A PHOTO OF IT ON TWITTER) My knees were shaking like hell while we walked away.
Soon after that happened we again found ourselves back at the merchant area. I really wanted to buy Clow Cards from Card Captor Sakura, but on the other hand, there was this amazing Deadpool cardigan. Clow Cards were half the price of the cardigan, but I'd have more from the cardigan. The merchant offered me eventually to try on the cardigan, and I did. Reluctantly I bought it and instantly changed my outfit from my Hatsune Miku cardigan to my Deadpool one.

Suddenly, there was this Deadpool cosplayer again. I tried not to stare while we sneaked away from him. He saw my back nevertheless and shouted "Awesome jacket!" after me. Shocked by this sudden attention, I did nothing and just kept walking. My brother heavily criticized me for that behaviour. Just seconds after I that, I regretted this as well, since a lot of good comeback lines kept popping up in my head. "You're more awesome! *wink*" for instance. Perks of being shy.

Shortly after a toilet break and right before we wanted to leave, we ran into him again. People kept blocking the way, so my brother walking in front of me with a gap that grew and grew. When the crowd faded, I started running to catch up. More to avoid the Cosplayer than to catch up actually. I didn't consider that me running would be getting more attention than not, but that thought didn't cross my mind until he called after me again.

"Hey, awesome jacket, turn around!" Was that now my new nickname?

I turned around while walking backwards.

He threw the finger guns at me, followed by a wink. Unconsciously I responded with the same gesture. As I turned back to see where I was walking, I died already. The embarrassment was real.

As my brother and I got our jackets from the cloakroom, I saw him a last time and cursed at my brother for not forcing me to take a picture with him after all. Who knows if I would ever find him again? 

On the train ride back we played paper games and talked about music and video games. I can proudly say that my brother is my favourite person to go to places, we just had a lot of fun and I'm really looking forward to go to the book fair with him next month ❤