Ever since Wednesday things got better. Mostly. I had another breakdown yesterday, but quickly recovered. Sleep always does this magic thing, plus I had great people with me.
My problem is that I get super easily hung up on small things. Once it sets the ball rolling it's very hard not to find more unnerving stuff and they all just add to my sometimes so miserable existence.
Today I met up with someone after university. It wasn't a date, it was kinda just seeing if we were enjoying conversations as much in person as we did in text. Turns out we are. I'm far from any kinda serious feelings as we've only been talking for like three days, but it felt good to have someone who makes you laugh this much. I pretty much cracked up at every single thing he said, often even when he didn't say anything. Just super comfortable. Usually it takes me much longer to reveal this super silly side to people. It has both potential for a strengthening friendship and/or a relationship, hard to nail down which it's gonna be as of right now.
Sometimes I still feel as if me getting into a new relationship with actual physical contact (not just far distance stuff) is treason. I know how silly that is and I have no idea why this song is making me cry, but those thoughts sometimes just take over. Forgive me for my recent weaknesses. I'm stronger than this, I know. Thank you for reading, checking on me and maybe even caring. As soon as lectures start (tomorrow!) this'll end. I just finally need some routine in my life.
19.10.15
14.10.15
#57: I've come a long way
May. May was my last entry.
Well, let's rewind:
Graduation
University application
University permit
Sad phase
Recovery
Moving
Start of university
Been rough 5 months but I'm finally where I wanted to be more or less: In university. I met new peoplealthough I have no idea if they will be only temporarily like my love life, am studying what I wanted to study in the first place (Major: Modern Japan, Minor: American studies and English literature) and I'm kinda learning to take care of myself. Still got a long way to go.
Truth be told, sometimes I have those moments where I wished for nothing more but going back home and being in my own bed, safe and sound from all this annoying stuff like housemates, being around crowds in university and stress in general. I want to hug my dog more than anything.
As you can hear, I'm currently feeling a little down - with too much time on my hands I reflect too much about the past and start missing things, but as soon as lectures actually start, stress'll probably take over instead, ahaha.
Don't get me wrong, I like this new life I'm having, it gives me a chance to find out more about myself. More than ever, I feel like I needed that so badly. Although directions were existent, maybe a clear path will form itself now.
The journey is continuing.
Well, let's rewind:
Graduation
University application
University permit
Sad phase
Recovery
Moving
Start of university
Been rough 5 months but I'm finally where I wanted to be more or less: In university. I met new people
Truth be told, sometimes I have those moments where I wished for nothing more but going back home and being in my own bed, safe and sound from all this annoying stuff like housemates, being around crowds in university and stress in general. I want to hug my dog more than anything.
As you can hear, I'm currently feeling a little down - with too much time on my hands I reflect too much about the past and start missing things, but as soon as lectures actually start, stress'll probably take over instead, ahaha.
Don't get me wrong, I like this new life I'm having, it gives me a chance to find out more about myself. More than ever, I feel like I needed that so badly. Although directions were existent, maybe a clear path will form itself now.
The journey is continuing.
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